Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
