It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
