porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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