i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
