I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
