A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
