Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i was born a porn star she said
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
