Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
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You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
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Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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