Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
