I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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