I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
