A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
