I heard we made out
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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