Betty ford says i'm here all night
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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