And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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