Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
