i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
