idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
