Moan for me like Helen Keller
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
