yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
