1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
