just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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