i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
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