the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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