just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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