take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
i think i just lost a toe
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize