i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
