Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
