C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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