We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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