my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
