there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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