It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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