hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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