Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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