we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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