12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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