So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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