So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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