I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
