I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I could fuck to npr.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
