Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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