woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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