I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
