Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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