You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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