I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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