I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
