haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
