I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Im part way to drunk.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
