And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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