Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
