I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
