so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
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Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
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She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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