I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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