I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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