I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
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