allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Vodka?
Forever.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
