You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
