I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize