I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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