I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
he puts the penis in happiness.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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