So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
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You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
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Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
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