Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
