I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
