I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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