So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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