either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
