my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize