I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
