Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
