Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
