I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
