I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
