If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
