You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
