Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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