I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
