look no pants
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
